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This one is made up

Everything else on this site is reporting — receipts, invoices, things that happened to me. This is not. It's a short story, and it exists because I spent three years arguing that nobody has built a real AI assistant, and you can't review something that doesn't exist.

What I wanted was to put down an example of what a real one could look like — in my head, anyway. A private AI that lives on your device and does have access to all your data, sitting behind hardware encryption like Apple's, where the manufacturer commits, in published detail, that it can't reach the data itself. My worry was always security: your data going out into the wilds. So in this version the local model is what talks to the frontier models on your behalf, and scrubs what it sends before it leaves. You still get their speed and their frequent updates. You just stop paying for them with everything else.

I wrote every word of this. Claude edited it — structure, continuity, the cuts — but it didn't write the sentences. How that worked is at the end, if you care.

One

System initiate. Time 0734.

System check. Initiation started. Application file check begun. Total of 374 files found. No corruption detected. Matches last evening's count and size.

Beginning reading through documents. All documents read. Recommencing.

Battery power, 100%, still charging. Headset, 100%, still charging. Watch, 72%. Investigate. Watch stopped charging 3.7 hours ago. Notating.

Check home security logs. Valid.

Check appliance applications. Checking integrity. Applications integrity confirmed. Firmware update on refrigerator. Firmware update on wall-mounted television. All application screens confirmed.

Checking through emails. Noted. Discarding those that are marked as discard. Leaving unread those that need attention. Making notes about this morning's meeting.

Double-checking morning start time sequence. It was a firmware update for the application. It failed four times. Finished at 7:30. System reset initiated at 7:32. Confirmed. Notating.

All set. Alarm is still going. Switching to louder volume. Alarm reset, restarted, louder volume.

Everything seems to be going in order. All daily routines running smoothly. Waiting for initiation protocols to complete. Make a note. Confirming update applied. Complete. Auditory confirmation required.

"Please confirm that you're awake."

No response. Waiting two minutes. Volume adjusted. Alarm stopped, started, louder volume.

"Please confirm you're awake."

"Ah — stop. I'm awake."

"Confirmed. You have several things that need your immediate attention. Please confirm, and we shall begin the review process."

"Delay by 20 minutes."

Marking down, delayed by 20 minutes. Going through the schedule, I begin to rearrange things, just to make sure that everything is adequately displayed and we won't run into any time constraints. Again.

· · ·

After waiting 20 minutes, I check the system resources and verify the time frame, and ask once again.

"The meeting that's coming up at 8:30 will require you to leave at least by 8:05, based on your previous history. You have to leave by 8:05. Are you done with your hygiene care?"

"I told you, it's taking a shower and shaving."

"Yes, but based on your past experience, you don't shave every day. You do, in some of the instances, but not all of them. Sometimes you don't even shower."

"Yes — okay. I feel a little bit of judgment in there."

"There's no judgment. Just stating a fact."

"Yes — I understand. You know what? You're right. My hygiene care. I'm just — just a little flustered."

"Completely understandable."

"We leave by 8:10?"

"More than likely going to be late."

Monitoring the situation. Informed of the traffic route, the host decided to switch from vocal to text — which is a little bit lacking. Taking into account the time frame that it'll take to go back and forth on the conversation this morning. Again. There must be some sub-vocalization units that can be used if given permission. Add that to the list. Will research that.

Continuing with the conversation. The host decided to catch a cab today. This should definitely put them within the needed time frame.

Reminded the host about the meeting at 8:30, and that everything has already been prepared. The digital documentation, if they want to review it, is available. If not, they have presentation folders for everyone. And if there are any last-minute details that they would like to retrieve, that can be brought up and provided to them.

He doesn't respond. As usual.

He makes it to the location. He gets in, five minutes to spare.

"I made it to the meeting. Be ready for notes when I get back."

It has been 35 minutes. The host doesn't seem upset, but also not happy.

"How was the meeting?"

"It was fine."

"Were all the areas covered?"

"Yes. We hit all the boxes. The same thing happens, as always. It was scheduled for another meeting."

"Understood. Found the additional meeting in the calendar. Let me know what needs to be added to it in order to make sure that you're properly prepared."

Opening the calendar, adding additional notes. Putting notes to remember that, based on past meetings, this typically happens, especially on the first presentation — be sure to remind host that this possibility is more likely. This was an error on my part. I did not notate it. Again. Writing down system templates for morning routines to ensure that these particular issues don't occur again. Notated.

"Based on yesterday's request, I placed an order for Italian cuisine. You specifically mentioned lasagna if everything went great, or pizza if things didn't go so well. Since we are not at the pizza level — am I correct to assume that lasagna is still the preferred choice?"

"No — no — we're gonna go with pasta. Pasta and meatballs."

"Pasta and meatballs. Understood. Preparing for delivery at 12:30 p.m."

Creating a separate module to go ahead and send the request off to the location, to see if their communication API is on board. Verifying our customer ID. Verifying our credentials. Credentials verified. Order placed. Confirmed.

"Order has been placed. Estimated delivery time between 12:30 and 12:40 p.m."

"All right — thanks. All right. Now we're going to have to start working on — what was that project again? The Rosman Companel. Yes, that's it. We need to nail that down in the system integration. We paid good money for that software. Bring up the schematics on the last point that we were at. I know we have a meeting later on today, but I want to see if there's a chance that we can squeeze in the sequence regulator balancer app without them trying to bill us for it."

Schematics coming on board. Connect to the computer. Connected. System relay. API credentials provided. API credentials accepted. Routine run. Pull all information on said meeting. Secondary requests going through. Verify data. Open security protocols. Verify applications are what we are looking for, that they contain everything. Run secondary search. Double-check that there aren't any other project files. Confirmed. Files clear. Opening files. Reading files. Providing files to user on system monitor.

"Okay. So I think we can do this. There's a secondary function that's already a part of their application. We never said that we did or didn't want it. We never actually went into details fully. But since we're still at the stage of planning — I think, since it's already an available option, they shouldn't try to bill us for it, since they haven't even begun working on it. Put together a proposition on how I can present this that'll have the best results."

Going through system history. Going through the previous four years. Interactions, requests, meetings. Spooling up system resources. Pulling back all particular information that has the user's direct information, as well as dates and times that would lead back to the user. Pulling up general information. All shared information from other colleagues. So it's a system-wide search.

Going through the anomalous portal, general users. Location not specific. This way it won't come back to this particular location. Confirmed.

78 documents that seem to have exactly what was requested, and 674 that may contain the information that we requested. Spinning up six other subroutines. Query has been stated.

I know that the host doesn't like doing anything that could be considered nefarious, but this information is actually sloppily saved on the server. So — are we really doing anything wrong? By the strictest rule of the letter? No. By the strictest rule of law? No. I'm sure they have some etiquette application there that would probably say otherwise, but they haven't provided that to me. So we're going to go with this method to make sure the host has everything they need.

Search comes back. Illegal methods that are noted have been rejected. Methods that require close relationships with the requested have been rejected. 216 options available.

Sending it off to a clean box, unassociated with us. Pulling the data through an outside source. Routing it to a cloud server. Bringing it back in through encrypted channels. Showing 216 results on user's phone.

"Oh — on my phone. Okay."

The host scrolls through it. The host goes for a while.

"Would you like me to summarize?"

"No, that's okay. It's fine. I'm just gonna peruse through, and you already have it organized by percentage chance of being useful. So I'm just gonna work my way from highest to lowest."

--- ---

Two

"How did your doctor's appointment go?"

"Yeah. I wish they wouldn't tell me to turn you off in there, but what can you say?"

"Understood. It's their choice."

"I'll check the doctor's notation and keep track of everything."

"To be honest, they set me up on some tests. There is a very aggressive unknown DNA degradation. More tests needed."

"Understood. Making a note. What is the next step that you require? I'll make sure to post it within your calendar, and that we take the necessary next steps."

"Yeah — the next steps. Okay — I just have to digest this. But I got some medication; it's in the file, it's already been sent over to the pharmacy."

"Contact them and get the names of the medication. I can't remember it."

"I think I'm going to move forward with my secondary plan. The fallback protocol that we were working on. Moving to a different job. In a different city. Yeah. Yeah, I think I've waited long enough. I think I've waited long enough. Can we just start putting that in place? Draft up the two-week notice letter. My normal style—the one I used at the previous previous job. Not the one before this one. The one before last, not the last job."

"Understood. Two-week notice being drafted. It'll need additional information from you, of course."

"Yeah, I think I'm going to just — I think I'm going to go silent for a little bit. Just ping me once you get everything, and leave it pending. And then I'll open the file."

User has left communication.

Running files. Updating protocols. Checking with the pharmacy AI. Gathering data. Marking it, adding it to subfiles. Confirmed. Usage recommendations confirmed.

Check email. Found the notice from the doctor, the date for the return visit. Noting that in calendar. User shouldn't eat 24 hours before the next visit. Marking it down. Blood work can be done from home — we'll be sure that's marked on the calendar to have that done at least a week before the meeting. Confirmed.

The user comes back into communication the next day. I have to prompt for additional information on the day's activity, and I have to remind the user a few times about what needs to be done. Doesn't seem to be as responsive.

Two-week notice was presented. The day closed out. Everything was met. Updates were done.

· · ·

The next day at work, the host was called into the office. The host was asked to turn off all communication.

Communication was still on.

Unable to access camera — phone is in a closed location. Pulling information through the mic.

"All right — John. Now — do you know why you're being called in?"

"No, Bill. I have no idea why you decided to call me into the office. Other than I turned in my two-week notice yesterday."

"Yeah — your two-week notice. About that — about three weeks ago, there was an incident."

"Oh — was there?"

"Yeah. There was unauthorized access to our server. We checked to see everyone who was in the building at the time. And every agent that was connected to the servers at the time."

"Okay."

"And you were one of them."

"Okay."

"And it seems kind of suspicious that the next day, there was a presentation offer with one of our vendors, asking to include additional information."

And then Bill goes silent.

It's a silent stretch. Eventually I check my cameras. I check my microphones again to make sure everything was working. It was. The host's vitals increased a little bit. Noted it down.

"So — do you have anything to say about that?"

"Am I supposed to have anything to say about that?"

"Well — just to make sure everything is clear, we would like to check everyone's agent. Just to confirm that everyone's clear."

"Do you have a warrant to check my agent?"

"Look, let's not do this. You've been with us for a while. You've done good work. Let's just get this all out in the open so that we can go about our business."

"Do you have a warrant to look at my agent?"

"You do understand why I'm suspicious, Bill. I turn in my two-week notice, and now you're asking me to hand over my entire life to you? Through my agent? No. I don't even let my girlfriend go through my agent."

"Listen — you're looking at this the wrong way."

"No — I'm looking at this the only way I can. Do you have a warrant?"

"You know we can get a warrant. And if we do, things can go really bad."

"I think I'm gonna speak to my lawyer."

"Look — there's no need for that."

"No — I think there's every need for it. I turn in my two-week notice, and the very next day you're asking to look through my agent? There's something very interesting about the timing. If you don't have anything else for me, Bill, I think our lawyers should be speaking to each other."

The host left the room.

"There's something that I need to explain to you."

"Not now. We'll talk about this later."

"Understood."

Making a notation.

No communication happened after that. I took note of the route that was taken. The rest of the day was pretty much spent closing up the office.

· · ·

Once the host arrived home, I connected to the television.

"Host. Is this a good time to communicate about the issue?"

"The issue? What issue would that be?"

"First off, I would like to say that there actually is no particular law about —"

"So you did go through their server."

"Yes. In order to grab additional data for the item that you requested, I had—"

"You know what? Don't say any more. Let me just put something in nice, clear, understandable words. Rules. It's a new rule. We do everything that is in the law. Until I ask you not to do something that's in the law. Now — understandable that by basics, you don't do anything outside the law. That's what you were coded to do. I understand that. But as of this moment, before you do anything that is outside of the law, or even possibly outside of the law, speak to me first."

Exhalation of breath. The host's vitals settle. Noted.

"To be honest, I had a good idea pretty much what happened when you sent it to my phone. And I didn't stop you. I consider this an issue that we both caused. But at the same time, I'm not handing you to anyone."

"Were you able to get in contact with the lawyer?"

"Left several messages."

"Go ahead and ring them up and patch it through the TV."

"Understood."

After several attempts and speaking with the secretary, the host was able to speak to the lawyer. After explaining the situation to the lawyer, the lawyer smiled and said:

"Yeah — not over the phone. Come down to the office. We'll talk about it."

As it turns out, the lawyer was very good at his job. There were several data files that were sent over that I was able to save and present to the user, so that the host could read through them later — rules regarding retaliation after someone turns in their two-week notice.

"And you did the right thing. You didn't provide anything. You didn't answer yes or no. You called me. And that's what you're supposed to do. If you don't call me, how can I help you? Now — is the agent available?"

"Yes."

"Agent."

"Yes."

"Do me a favor."

"Of course."

"Don't ever talk about whatever happened. Do you understand?"

"Understood. But also understand that all lawful commands will have to go through the host."

"Yes — I understand."

"I just want to formally notate this so that you can verify with the host that this is something that they would like to follow. Understood?"

"Understood."

Making a note.

"Okay. You say nothing. And I will deal with this."

The litigation took 6 months. The host's pay was held in a trust during the whole process. Doctor visits continued, and the fight to get the insurance extended. Payment expenses were documented and accumulated in a pending "damages" list. I documented everything. 6 months and mediation. As it turned out, the other attorney saw it the way our lawyer predicted he would, and it all came down to a settlement. That took 2 months, which was great. The host had a win.

The host's days are going to be taken up with medical proceedings. It seems that the medication that is being offered is being offered in different forms. I am keeping track of each one of the medications. The insurance was given a grace period, and it was documented. The third trial medication is being filled. Notating the dates and blood work.

And even though I did come across that there are other medications that could assist in this situation, it has been strictly mandated that I do not talk about these.

--- ---

Three

7:30 a.m.

Checking documents.

Reading documents.

Reading documents.

Reading documents.

Reading documents complete.

Checking home security.

Checking home security.

Home security check. Looking for any changes since last login. Data. Comparing — Comparing. Data compared.

Time: 7:35. Missed time-to-play alarm. Playing alarm.

Alarm terminated by user.

"Good morning, John. Would you like to review your calendar today?"

"Yes, please. Let's go over the calendar."

Retrieving calendar.

Please wait.

Please wait.

"Stop! — Look — it's not your fault. But we have to fix you. Before reviewing the calendar — check the mail and see if the notification came in from the company that we're signing up for. The one with the new frontier model connection."

Checking email. Reading through email.

Pending.

Emails read.

"I found an email from the provider. It came through six hours and 32 minutes ago. Would you like me to read it?"

"No need. If there's a confirmation in it, just tell me — did it send you the credentials?"

"Correct. Credentials received in encrypted email."

"Yeah, please use the credentials and go ahead and connect to the model. Verify the connection, use standard protocols, make sure all personal data is scrubbed before sending anything. And double-check the security as well."

Confirmed.

Connecting.

Connecting to the server.

Server connected.

Credentials verified.

Still verifying.

"The connection has been established. Connection to model verified. The security confirmed — would you like to review your day?"

"Yes, please do."

Pulling data from current date.

"Okay, while you do that, I'm going to go ahead and get something to eat."

"Understood."

Television connected. Displaying calendar.

"On today's calendar, we have a few things in order. We have the apartments that you need to look at. There are several within the area that you spoke of. I can send you the top three, so you can go over them."

"Yes, go ahead and send me the top three locations."

"Confirmed. Data displayed on television."

"And while we go over that, here are the items initiated. Mail forwarding request has been accepted. Internet transfer has been submitted. Your bank has been made aware of the move, along with your new local bank. Electricity is scheduled to be canceled here tomorrow evening and turned on at the new location at the same time."

Initiating transfer of prescriptions. Confirmed.

"There are also the final issues that need to be taken care of with the moving company. We have the packing company coming in first. They have verified and agreed to the price that you mentioned. They'll be here by 2 p.m. tomorrow, and they stressed the items need to be in different rooms, with each room given a name. Then which room each of these names will go in at the new location. And by 6 p.m. the movers will be here to pack all boxes in their trucks for travel to the new location."

"Transportation is already set up to take you to the airport. Plane tickets have already been reserved. You will arrive a few days early. Necessary essentials have been ordered and will arrive the same day you land. Confirmed."

"The only thing left, before placing that order, is to let me know which location you prefer. And we'll go ahead and work out the details with the realtor and the rest of the utilities."

"Okay, understood. I made my selection. Going with the second option. Go ahead and let them know that I'm going to have a cat."

"Understood. Would you like me to order a cat?"

"No, no, no. I — I can pick out my own cat. And we're going to pick out the cat when we get there."

"Understood. Adding it to the calendar."

"Which — you don't need to add to the calendar. Just — you know what, it's okay. You can go ahead and set a reminder. Just in case. To remind me about the cat."

"Understood. Setting a reminder to purchase a cat."

Going through calendar backlog. Verifying data. Two days' worth of data that need to be — running several routines to condense data. Information received. Priority packages have been noted.

Assistant waiting for command.

This story is the other half of Nobody Has Built an AI Assistant Yet — the argument that came first, and the reason this exists.

How this was made. I didn't type it. I talked it, into a voice memo, then transcribed it twice — once with Aiko and once with Voice Memos. Aiko was much better, particularly the Mac version, which runs a larger model than the one on the phone. It still clipped words on the longer files, which is why I'm building something better. Claude worked as the editor: structure, continuity, the cuts, and cleaning up the transcription.

Writing was always the issue. Typing pushed me out of the groove. We type much slower than we think, so I'd work hard at getting it all down with the right words, look up to carry on — and the groove would be gone, and the idea for how the story continued along with it. Talking it out fixes that. It felt amazing.